my littlest pumpkin

My moms group had a trip to a GREAT pumpkin patch - the smaller, less-commercialized kind that we've gone to the last few years in a row - Jack and I set up my camera on a bale of hay to take this photo after the tour was finished. It was hot. I can't ever get my outfit right for pumpkin patches. I dress too warm or too cool, then I sweat or freeze. Notice my boots...I was so hot. My kid would have been better dressed in shorts and flip flops, as he wishes each morning.

 The funny thing about this littlest pumpkin of mine is HOW MUCH TIME I have with him. I love it. But sometimes in the middle of it I almost feel guilt that I didn't have the same amount with the girls.

Sidney was almost 2 when Alyssa came along.

 I had 23 months of JUST Sidney time. She was a difficult baby and I often felt like I wasn't good at being a mom when she was a baby - like I wasn't doing enough to make her happy. I avoided lots of playdates with friends who had babies. I look back and regret that so much now. WHO CARES? Why was I so overwhelmed and self conscious about that? When Alyssa was born, then it was we three girls all day long while Daddy was at work.

 When Alyssa turned 2, Sid went into preschool shortly afterward, and I had little snippets of time with just Alyssa, and I did just savor the Ally and me time. I knew, from having Sid already, that there wasn't much time you get just one on one with each kid. That's when I CRAVED my time alone with Sidney SO MUCH - when it was hard to find it!

Jack was born when Sidney was 5 1/2 and Alyssa was 3 1/2.

 Just a half year later, Alyssa started preschool five days a week, and that was the fall of 2007. So I have had Jack to myself FIVE DAYS A WEEK during school hours since the fall of 2007, when he was 8 months old! He is nowmore than 56 months old (he's 4 1/2) so I've had about four straight years of time with Jack. I love that time - he is fun to be with, for sure. He talks funny, does funny stuff all day long, and is very entertaining - when I need entertainment. But he's also been a boy who lives in five minute intervals for many years - probably much like everyone else's kids!

Now Jack's in preschool two days a week, and it does feel very strange to have 8 hours a week that are spent not in the presence of Jack's watchful eye and talkative mouth. It's strange. I think about him SO much when he's at school - hoping he's having fun, hoping the dropoff went as easy as I felt it did.
Man this mothering thing is hard and wonderful. I don't have enough free time to be making up things to feel guilty about. As a wise mentor in my mom's group would say to me, "get over it." So I will. I'm glad for all the time I have with each of them, and I hope for more, and I crave more one on one, so I'll find more ways to do it.
Those kids.
I love 'em.
No, I don't just love 'em. I ADORE them.