knock knock

What is it about my neighborhood that begs people to park, and walk around my neighborhood, and then ring my doorbell and knock on my door trying to sell me stuff or tell me stuff? If I were better at saying NO, or no thankyou, I wouldn't have had to be "one of those" people today and hand write a "no solicitors" note for my door. (They acknowledged my request by the way, and did NOT knock or ring doorbell, and I only snuck the sign on when I realized they were walking to my NEXT DOOR neighbor's house!)
I really don't like strangers ringing my door bell!!!!! But I'm that girl who lets the telemarketer talk for a minute, just so that in case his/her supervisor is walking by, it sounds good. I have a TINY bit of something inside that wants to let them tell me what they want to sell me at my front door, but the other side overpowers it, and I really end up feeling like "if i wanted that, I'd go to the store for it!" I hate to cut people off too quick when they call or come to solicit my business. But I really don't enjoy them doing it!
On the same note, for some reason I don't like my gardeners to know I'm home. I like them, a lot. They are wonderful and my yard is the best. But I feel like how I imagine I'd feel if I were home when a cleaning lady walked in, if I ever had a cleaning lady. If the gardeners see me, I feel compelled to say something like "Thanks for doing what we're too lazy to do - I know, I shoulda picked up those kid toys in the backyard. I know, I shoulda planted that thing I bought and left in that store pot. I know, I should really enjoy my back yard more, and not let my kids put their CapriSun trash on my patio table and chairs." I've never said all that to them. I just try to keep out of their way. So instead, I sheepishly pretend to not be home, and listen to the sweet hum of their weed wackers and lawn mowers. They probably prefer that, too, right? They dont' want me out there micromanaging them.
Do I spy on them a little? Maybe a little. I think they're fascinating how they have it down to a science! He's on the front lawn, he's on the back - this one's on a water break, this one is in charge of doing the nice noble deed of bringing my trash cans back in from the street! What a nice bonus! I like them.
Oh awesome, as I'm spying, I notice they've got the hedge trimmers out! When I see my house next from outside, it will feel like it got a haircut. And the kids will undoubtedly comment on how clean cut the house looks, and how it smells like grass.
I like Thursdays.
Lucky likes fresh cut grass, too.

fyi-iyc

That means For Your Information, If You Care. I just made it up. Okay I promise not to use it again.
Anyway, here are just a few little random thoughts that don't fit anywhere else.
-I run with this friend of mine who doesn't run very regularly, so every time we run together, I hear her make excuses and start to complain a little about being out of breath, or maybe her shoes not fitting perfectly, or having worn the wrong pants/shorts/shirt or things like that. It's a big downer, and I try to talk her out of it and I really want to just yell at her and say "JUST RUN, OH MY GOODNESS, you are NOT dying!" But if I say that, I'm going to look like a big nerd on the street corner yelling at myself.
-So today I took that girl biking. She didn't complain at all, until her chain came off, and then I heard her say some interesting words, but at least she could fix it and she and I made it home safely - 6 mile ride in 38 minutes. That wasn't meant to impress anyone, just purely informational. Now if I could only RUN 6 miles in 38 minutes, that would be AWESOME! But that girl always gets in the way.
-I watched DWTS last night - that's Dancing With The Stars for those of you who don't care - you are who I was talking about when I said IYC. It was week 2, so we (my littles and I) looked up week 1 and watched some of it. My kids are particularly fond of Roshon Fegan because they watch all things Disney Channel, so I think Alyssa and Sidney will root for him. Jack and I cracked up for a long time when Sherri Sheppard referred to herself as a big baby, so we might root for her. But I really like Gavin DeGraw's music, so I want to root for him. And I was SUPER impressed with Maria Menounos and her laugh and her dancing, so I root for her too. My kids think it's VERY strange to see Laura from Little House on the Prairie now that she's grown up.
-I'm having some MAJOR issues with motivation - unless we're talking about motivation to be on the computer or sit and talk to my mom in my kitchen, or go outside and do something. But motivation to finish laundry, or clean up something, or fix something, I have none for that. I'm going to try to better motivate myself and peel myself off of all electronics in the mornings. We'll see how that works.
-I just got a reminder about Jack's graduation! Jack's preschool graduation! $25 graduation fee, paid - that gets us a cap and gown and I don't even know what else!!!! I don't ask enough questions. But I'm sure I can expect teary eyes and lots of photos some time in June.
-10 weeks until my kids are out of school. Yes, we have started the countdown. It's written on each of the weeks in the calendar right on the fridge. When I explained to them how long a summer is, they got VERY sad. Both girls thought summer was much more than just 2.5 months. I think they imagined 6 months or so in their heads!
-I had one cryer when school started up this week - one lonely cryer who didn't want to head back to class. It brought me back to the days when I HATED to leave my mom. I had those days. Somedays I just HATED to leave the house and leave my mom behind, or I hated the feeling of being dropped off at the bus stop and watching her drive away. But I also remember that about 4 seconds later I'd see a friend's face and forget why I was sad. My cryer soon forgot yesterday, too, and that cryer is fine now.
-I'm looking out for a good movie to come out soon, that I can watch with my kids, that is based on a book that I can read with them first. I'm on a hunt for this. I want them to have that feeling I had when I read and then waited for and then watched the Hunger Games. By the way, I loved the Hunger Games, and I'm blown away and shocked at all the hubbub and shock about this movie and how it's "kids killing kids." I think the author did a WONDERFUL job and the directors and cast of the movie did a wonderful job and I really enjoyed the story. Will my 10 and 8 yr olds read it? No. I won't let them for another 3 or 4 years at least. I'm just sad about all the negativity surrounding it, usually by people who haven't read it. Back to the book turned movie to watch with my kids...anyone know of anything coming out soon that fits that bill?

goals and running and pinning and costco and.....

I love how my friend Kelly posts random thoughts on her blog - just the basics of what's going on. Today I'm copying Kelly - copying is supposed to be flattering, right? MY version of copying is.

Okay, first, I've been doing a lot of copying lately. With Pinterest giving me access to SO many wonderful ideas in every possible corner of life, I've been stealing ideas left and right - decorating, sewing, gifts, crafts, etc. I love it. I check out my pinterest mostly on the home computer or on the ipad, because it's too small on my phone and since I have a Droid phone, there's no app for that yet. Lame. But I can spend a LOT of time on pinterest, and sometimes feel guilty about it. But then last night, while on pinterest, I saw something someone else had pinned and it said something like:
Time wasted isn't wasted if you enjoyed it.
I may have super botched that quote, but it's along those lines. And I liked it.
Okay, now I have to go and find it so I can properly quote it.

 I found it on pinterest, originally posted HERE on etsy.com

Okay, so I DID mess it up pretty bad, but I love the point of it. Really, I do spend some time on pinterest that I could be doing something else, but can't you say that about anything? I get ideas from it, and I sit and look at it while I have my better half in bed occupied by a good Dodger game or something...and I do notice, every now and then, he's peeking at it too. He likes the quotes. And he probably really enjoys hearing about all the stuff I WANT to do, but probably will never get around to.

I just ran. Pretty big deal. I'd call myself much more of a sprinter than a long distance runner, if by sprinting you could venture to imagine someone running about 50 feet with all their might, pretending to be chased by a gorilla, and almost fainting from loss of breath. So I just ran ONE MILE without stopping to spit, or undo and redo my hair, or complain, or catch my breath. I just kept telling myself "if you run the entire thing, you can blog about it. If you can't run it, you can't blog it." So anyway, pretty big deal to me - one mile, done. Now just to work toward that December half marathon. Wish me some luck. By the way, my new running shoes are Asics from Ross - $23.99. I thought they were SUCH a good deal, but I do have to say, they feel like the "bottom of the line" Asics instead of my TOP OF THE LINE Asics I already own, which were about $70 and killed me to pay that kind of money on. I'm so cheap, which leads me to the next thought. Running around the street loop that my house is on is .46 miles. Tonight I ran two of those loops without stopping to walk. It's my goal to run around it THREE times straight, no matter what speed, the next time I run it (which might be tomorrow morning!).

I went through a really hard time concerning my overwhelming feelings toward Costco. I LOVE to shop, and I LOVE to try on clothes and buy gifts for people and blah blah blah, but I think I'm allergic to spending more than $45 at a time at any given store. Not to say I don't do that - I have to - I just don't like how it feels. I'd rather nickel and dime (haha, what an old analogy, I haven't used a nickel or dime in forever) myself to death at Target or JoAnns or WalMart or anywhere really. But with the big checkout bills, I get clammy and nervous and I don't care how much there is in the bank with my name on it, I fear my card malfunctioning, like maybe it's been bent or sitting next to a magnet, or rubbed up on my phone or another card, and consequently I'd be LOOKING like I can't pay for something. So you can imagine how Costco makes me feel - it's like a mini tiny anxiety attack, except I'm able to breathe and don't need meds. Every single time I input my ATM code at Costco, I want to vomit, and I think I'm entering the wrong number, because it's not one of those "memorable" easy numbers like I invent for other things. No, this number gives me doubt every time I put it in, I always think it's wrong. It's like groundhog's day. I say to myself "is it THIS way or THIS way, which order do these numbers go in?" So there was a long period of time that I HATED to be the one who had to do the Costco shopping, because there was never a bill under $200 and that made me want to bite my nails. Also, if I left it for Bobby to do on his way home from work, he always ended up buying better stuff and spending more money and we were all just happier and I never had a nervous breakdown about it. But now, it's swung back over to me tackling the Costco trips, and I'm learning to love Costco again. I went this week, because I starve my car of gas until I reach Costco (poor Tahoe Tessy), because the cheapster in me thinks that if I get gas ANYWHERE else, they're stealing from me. After getting gasoline, walking around Costco was kind of a treat for Jack and me. And what cracked me up the most was the checkout, where I saw the most peculiar combinations of items being purchased by the people around me. The guy behind me was buying only coffee beans and iron pills. The people next to me were buying a big TV, which I felt envious of, and on top of it was a container of nuts. Walking out to the car, my favorite combo ever, was a guy carrying new jeans folded on top of that monster crate of eggs. I guess these combos could be made elsewhere (Target, or WalMart, for instance) but at Costco, with no bags, and everything being so huge, it was just very funny. Jack and I laughed about the guy with the jeans and the eggs for quite a while. The point of my story is, I'm finding the funny in Costco to make it a little easier for me. It's like a comic strip in there. It's my goal to just have fun in there next time and not feel any sort of nervousness.

Part of why my blog name is messyjessy is because I think of myself as pretty messy in my brain and in my projects. I am SO in over my head right now with little crafts and projects. I promise myself I won't start one until the first one is finished, but it's not working. I am SO MessyJessy right now. I have sewing stuff out, paper stuff out, the kids have painting stuff out, and when I say OUT I mean it's taking up some sort of flat table-ish surface (okay, some of it takes up floor) and it's very cluttering and as much fun as the craft itself is, the mayhem around is not. I need less Messy and more Jessy.

(My name is also MessyJessy because I do that thing where I leave my clothes in piles of what I wore that day - so you can look around and see what I was rockin' on Thursday, or maybe Wednesday or Tuesday even, just by the little mound of clothes I leave behind. I've done that forever, I wish it would stop. But to stop, I probably have to do something about it.) Okay, it's my goal to put my clothes away RIGHT away for the next week. If I ask it of my kids, I oughtta be doing it myself, right?

I'm still pretty terrified of earthquakes, and I'm very happy to report I did not feel the earthquake this week that was very close to my house. I was awake, just walking around and getting kids out the door, so thank God for that. Feeling an earthquake puts me into that old Costco mood I was referring to before. I found someone who fears them as much if not moreso than I do, just talked to her about it today, and that made me feel good. Feels good to know other people's crazyness along with your own.

I take SO many pictures, but I'm getting frustrated with myself for not printing them or decorating my walls with them. It's my new goal to take some good shots of my kids (TOGETHER) to frame and get up on my walls BY CHRISTMAS. It's also my goal to take TWO Pinterest ideas I've pinned for MY OWN HOME and finish those by Christmas. Those seem doable.

I think I need to hold the reins a little tighter and get done the things I look so forward to doing, instead of just "pinning" them and saving them for later.

When butterflies turn out to be moths

In the past few days I have realized something about myself.

If a butterfly flutters by beautifully, I take it in like a sign from God - what a majestic, beautiful creature, caressing the air with it's beautiful wings, on its way to sit sweetly on a beautiful flower somewhere. Oh this butterfly MUST be a sign that it will be a nice day.

If a moth flies by, oh man - it's on - MOTH get away from me! My anti-moth karate chops begin automatically. Moths, you don't seem to just fly by, you do a Top Gun style FLY-BY. Are you trying to bite me? Are you TRYING to fly into my mouth or hair? Why are you so creepy looking, with your short wings that you have to beat so hard just to stay up in the air - aren't you like the vampire of the flying insect world?

So you can imagine my surprise when our chrysalises that were supposedly butterflies turned out to be moths. At first I was in denial. Our six cute, cuddly, fuzzy, friendly caterpillars were so adorable, adopted by Sidney from her best friend Caitlin's backyard weeks ago. Just days after being brought to our house, those fuzzy little guys silked themselves into corners of their holding cell, and turned into chrysalises! It was amazing. My first time at this sort of science experiment.

But then they took too long, and google wasn't giving me the greatest of answers to my questions. You can't type in a search for "what in the world is in this chrysalis and why's it taking so darn long" and expect a good answer.

So we waited. I thought they were dead. But I didn't have the nerve to tell the girls my theory, so when Sid got a butterfly habitat for Christmas, I happily moved what I thought were dead chrysalises into the butterfly habitat. Then I worried more for these little lives that may or may not be dead inside their weird little shells. I moved them upstairs into a room where I thought they'd be shaken the least by Jack - my bedroom. I was wrong, they were still shaken, and yelled at, and blown on.

A few mornings ago we woke up and of course Sidney remembered to check her habitat. There were three baby moths, she said. I thought "well, they probably look like moths but are really butterflies trying to dry their wings out OH MY GOODNESS those are not cute little butterflies, those are going to tear a hole in the net and burrow into my ear at night or something freaky like that!" I only thought, I didn't say. I can't raise little wackos knowingly, they have to turn out that way all on their own.

As much as I wanted to let them out into the freezing cold, I didn't. I let them live for a few days in my bedroom (secretly hoping they'd turn into butterflies). One even got out when we tried to put sugar water in the habitat, flew up to my bedroom ceiling and I rescued it and put it back in. We finally let them go yesterday.

Yesterday was the day I realized I am way too judgemental toward moths. This led to a re-realization that I'm way too judgemental toward a lot of things. I have had invalid dislike and fear toward something because it wasn't as pretty as something else - how sad is that? I know little about them. I need to look into moths. It sounds silly, but it's true. I don't want to grow something in my house and not know what in the world it does! But my girls? They were in love with those moths no matter what they were or turned out to be. They have no prejudice - butterfly or moth, they raised those six beings and let them go yesterday and couldn't be more proud.

I watched those moths fly away and thought "I'm sorry guys, you really are kinda cool - you are like the underdog. Butterflies are like the beautiful smart sister, the one everyone says 'oh isn't she so beautiful and smart - she could be a model' about. Moths, you're like the hardworking sister who doesn't get the credit - the one who stays up late at night studying for those As because it just doesn't come naturally to you, but you never give up."
Then I found out moths only live a few days, so at least their struggle isn't too long. And their attraction to light - while it looks really funny sometimes because they seem disoriented, think about it - they are attracted to light. They live in darkness, attracted to light. Kind of a sweet symbolic reminder of living in the world and following the Lord.

They probably do some pretty gross stuff, too. I'll find that out in my research, I'm sure. And the next time someone gives me caterpillars they THINK are future PAINTED LADY BUTTERFLIES, I'll just laugh inside and think of my little moths, fluttering about, bumping into things, burning themselves on porch lights, just tryin' to figure the world out, searching for the light.

A butterfly = graceful and beautiful.
A moth = graceful in its own unique I-flutter-about-the-world-looking-crazy kind of way, but if you give it a chance its probably pretty cool.

There's a lesson in here somewhere. Here's to hoping I remember it the next time a 'moth' comes too close and I want to swat it away quickly.